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PAINE'S 
POPULAR PLAYS 








The Great 

Whiskey - Stealing 

Case 

of Rumbold vs. Ryebold 






RICHARDSON 




PAINE PUBLISHING CO. 

DAYTON, OHIO 






NO PLAYS EXCHANGED 





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Paine Publishing Company Dayton, Ohio 



The Great 

Whiskey- Stealing 

Case 

of Rumbold vs. Ryebold 
A Mock Trial 



BY 

WALTER RICHARDSON 



PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY 

DAYTON. OHIO 






^^.-^ 






CHARACTERS 
Judge Snob The Judge 

Clerk Rum Clerk of the Court 

Lawyer Beatum Attorney for the Plaintiff 

Lawyer Snibs Attorney for the Defendant 

Josh Hitum A Bailiff 

Sam Rumbold The Plaintiff 

Eli Ryebold The Defendant 

Dan Sniffles 

Chief Witness for the Plaintiff and Owner of a Still 

Si Swamp '.Another Witness for the Plaintiff 

Hi Cornstubbles Witness for the Defendant 

Dr. Quick Killum Witness for the Defendant 

Jury Six or twelve (optional) 

Loungers. 

• « 

Time of Playing — Thirty-five Minutes. 

Note. — Can be played in any public building, with or 
without stage. The jury should be made up as a "job lot" 
for eft'ect, one dude, an old maid (Sis Hopkins type), and 
one stupid looking. 

2 

DEC 16 1921®°'^ •"'«'^«« 



H'V^ 



I 



The tie of Snibs should be hooked on, that it may be 
easily jerked off. The front of Beatum's vest should be 
made so that it may be easily torn oft". Rumbold and Rye- 
bold should be dressed to represent habitual drinkers. The 
judge and two lawyers should be dressed to indicate lack of 
business. All the other characters should be dressed as 
typical country people. 

Properties: Law books, pen and Ink, record book for 
clerk, "papers" in the case. A bouquet for the judge, ex- 
travagantly large. 

Stage Directions : Only one door for exit and entrance, 
right or left, according to convenience. 



Copyright, 1921, by Paine Publishing Company 

3 



The Great Whiskey-Stealing Case 
of Rumbold vs. Ryebold 



Scene. — A courtroom. Desk for Judge. Small table for 
clerk, chairs for zmtnesses, jury and audience. Court in 
session as curtain rises. 

Judge — My next case to be tried is Rumbold vs. Ryebold, 
in the great whiskey case. Counsel for the plaintiff will 
please open the case. 

Foreman of Jury — What brand is it, yer Honor? 

Judge — Shut up, you whiskey barrel ! I'm speaking of a 
case in court. Counsel for the plaintiff* proceed. 

Atty. for p. — Your Honor, gentlemen of the jury, I will 
briefly recount the facts of the case hereinafter tabulated, 
amplified and detailed. (Reads, jury looks zuisc.) Rumbold 
vs. Ryebold in the great whiskey-stealing case. (Pauses.) 

Dr. Killum — That's a good case to be in, Beatum. 

Judge — You're out of order, Dr. Killum. Proceed, 
Beatum. 

Atty. for P. — Be it known and explicitly understood 
that one Rumbold, most worthy client in this case, was 
seized and possessed of a genuine, distilled quart of moun- 
tain-made, corn-meshed brew, otherwise known as whiskey. 

5 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Be it also known and iinderstood that Ryebold, the defend- 
ant in this case (scozvis at Ryebold)^ was seized and pos- 
sessed of a carnivorous appetite for this quart of corn- 
meshed brew, otherwise known as whiskey. Be it moreover 
and further understood that Ryebold did apply to said 
Rumbold for the purpose of getting- one sip of the wonder- 
ful brew, aforementioned as whiskey, and that said Rum- 
bold, having every reason to doubt said Ryebold's ability to 
handle such rare liquid, otherwise known as whiskey, did 
there and then, upon the spot, refuse said Ryebold's applica- 
tion for same. Now, your Honor, and most highly respected 
and intelligent gentlemen of the jury, it is my intention to 
prove beyond any reasonable doubt, that after the refusal of 
said Rumbold, my honorable client, to grant said Ryebold, 
the defendant, a sip of this aforesaid quart of distilledliquor, 
better known as whiskey; that he, Ryebold (points to Rye- 
bold), did feloniously, maliciously and with premediated 
malice abstract, secrete, withdraw, embezzle, steal and con- 
vert that quart for the benefit of himself and his associates. 
This, your Honor, is a brief statement of the case. We 
shall proceed to prove them. 

Judge — -What remarks has the defense to make in this 
case? 

Atty. for D.— Your Honor, after listening to the long- 
winded and spontaneous outburst of my pettyfogging oppo- 
nent, T shall not bother you with details. We will admit, 
your Honor, that the aforesaid quart of corn-meshed, moun- 
tain-made brew, otherwise known as whiskey, was in the 

6 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

possession of said Rumbold, whose name, in all probability, 
indicates this fact, but — 

Beatum — Your Honor, he's insulting the Christian name 
of my client. I won't have it. 

Judge — Sit down ! You've had your say ! 

Snibs — But for embezzling, secreting, withdrawing and 
converting that quart we deny the allegation. As to the 
unheralded and mysterious disappearance of this rare quart 
of liquid, we know no more about it than the honorable jury. 

Beatum — Such things are hard to recall. 

S NIBS— Therefore, we emphatically repudiate and indig- 
nantly deny that we ever attempted to steal, embezzle or 
convert that precious quart. 

Beatum — Your Honor, I object to this quart of rare 
liquid being referred to so lightly. 

Judge — Ah, cut the foolishness, and confine yourselves to 
the case. Counsel for the plaintiff, call your witnesses. 

Beatum — Dan Sniffles! {Dan comes forimrd.) 

Clerk— Hold up your right hand, Mr. Sniffles. {Rap- 
idly.) You do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole 
truth, and nothing but the truth in this case pending. So 
help me. 

Dan— Sorry, Mister, but I can't say that air' piece. 

Clerk — You don't have to say what I say. 

7 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Dan — What's the use of rehearsin' then? 

Judge — Merely answer "yes" or "no," Mr. Sniffles. 

Dan — Yes, I always tell the truth, if that's what yer. 
gittin' at. 

Beatum — Now, Mr. Sniffles, do you happen to know the 
honorable plaintiff? 

Dan — Air' ye referrin' to Sam Rumbold? 

Beatum — Yes, honorable Samuel Rumbold, the plaintlu. 

Dan — Yep, I've knowed Sam fer nigh on to forty-eight 
years now. 

Beatum — What Is your occupation, Mr. Sniffles? 

Dan — I've been making brew fer a spell, if ye call thet an 
occupation. 

Beatum — By brew, I presume you mean whiskey. 

Dan — Yep. It's got a lot of pet names. 

Beatum — Did you, at any time, give, present, donate or 
sell my client here a quart of genuine, corn-meshed brew, 
otherwise known as whiskey? 

Dan — If It be lawful, yes. 

Snibs — And what if it weren't lawful? 

Dan — Then I didn't let him have thet air' licker. 

Judge — Snibs, I'll give you a chance to examine the wit- 
ness, don't butt in. 

8 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Snibs — All right, Judge Snob. 

Judge — Don't snob me, you pettyfogger! Mr. Beatum, 
proceed with the case. 

Beatum — Did my client, the honorable Mr. Rumbold, say 
what he wanted with the quart in question? 

Dan — Yep. He 'lowed he was mighty sick, and accordin' 
to my recommembrance, he w^as mighty pale. 

Beatum — That's all, Mr. Sniffles. 

Snibs (takes zvttness) — What's your name? 

Dan — Dan Sniffles. 

Snibs — That's a fine name for a man of your intelligence. 

Beatum — Your Honor, I object to that statement. 

Judge — On what grounds? 

Beatum — On the ground that he's brow-beating and scan- 
dalously flattering our esteemed witness. 

Judge — Objection upheld. Snibs, be more courteous. 

Snibs — All right. Snob. 

Judge — There you go, snobbing me again. Clerk, I fine 
this man five dollars for contempt of court. 

SxiBS — Mr. Sniffles, what do you know about this case." 

Dan — I never give old man Rumbold no case of whiskey, 
he only got a quart. 

9 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Snibs — I mean, what do you know about the steahng of 
this quart of whiskey? 

Dan — Not a dang thing, Mister Snibs, why? 

Snibs — How old are you? 

Dan — I'm jist thirty-five years old. 

Snibs — And how long did you say you have known Mr. 
Rumbold ? 

Dan — Goin' on forty-eight years, now. 

Snibs — Umph ! you knew him several years before you 
were born, eh? Notice that honorable gentlemen of the 
jury. 

Snibs — Did you ever see the honorable Mr. Ryebold, my 
client here, indulge in strong drinks? 

Dan— Yep, last summer, when he took cai'bolic acid to 
commit a suicide. 

Snibs — I mean did you ever see him take any whiskey? 

Dan — Nope. Not from my still. 

Snibs — Did you ever see my client, Mr. Ryebold, in a 
condition called "drunk"? 

Dan — Yep. Once. 

Snibs — Where? 

Dan — Down thar in Hi Cornstubbles' grocery store. I 
'lowed it be some of my "licker," seein' he war so mightily 

10 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

unbalanced ; so I devestigated and shore enuf my label was 
on the bottle. 

Snibs — Speak when I ask you. Excused. 

Beatum — Si Swamp! (Si takes stand.) Mr. Swamp, 
do you know Mr. Rumbold? 

Si — Know 'em like a book. 

Beatum — Fine neighbor, I reckon? 

St — Sam's an alfired good neighbor. 

Beatum — What is your occupation? 

Si — Farmer. 

Beatum — Who do you work for? 

Si — Sam Rumbold. I'm his hired hand. 

Beatum — Did you at any time see the quart of rare brew, 
otherwise known as whiskey, owned by my honorable client, 
Mr. Rumbold? 

Si — Many a time. 

Beatum — Is this the bottle you saw? (Produces large 
quart bottle of orange cider.) 

Si — Perzackly. Seen that many a time. 

Snibs — Also hit it many a time, I suppose. 

Beatum — Your Honor, Snibs has insulted the dry in- 
tegrity of our witness. 

11 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Judge — Snibs, do you want another fine? Bring the case 
to 'a close, Beatum. 

Beatum — Tell the Court, Mr. Swamp, who was on the 
premises of Mr. Rumbold on the night of October 18, about 
8 o'clock in the evening. 

Si— Eli Ryebold. 

Beatum — What was the business of Mr. Ryebold at that 
particular time of night? 

Si — Wanted to borrow a bottle of harness oil. 

Beatum — Is that all he got? 

Si — Can't say. He axed old man Rumbold fer a dram, 
but if I recommember right he didn't git it. 

Beatum — That's all. 

Snibs (takes witness) — What's your name? 

Si — Mr. Si Swamp. 

Snibs — That's a mighty wet name. 

Si — I ain't heerd no beautiful names hung onto anybody 
around hyar yit. 

Judge — Confine yourselves to the case, gentlemen. 

Snibs — ^Mr. Swamp, when did you begin working for 
Mr. Rumbold? 

Si— October 19. 

Snibs — Where were you on October 18, about 8 o'clock 
in the evening? 

12 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Si — Home, with my family, where all men should be. 

Snibs (looks at jury) — The honorable jury will notice 
the conflicting evidence put forth by the witness. 

Snibs — Did I understand you to say you had seen the 
quart in question, on or about the premises of Mr. Rumbold? 

Si — You did. 

Snibs — Did you at any time partake of the rare substances 
which my opponent designates as whiskey? 

Beatum — Your Honor, we will not have the quart 
slandered. 

Judge — Cut the foolishness. Proceed, Snibs. 

Snibs — Answer me, Mr. Swamp, did you ever taste, smell 
or otherwise sip of the contents of this noble quart? 

Si — Judge, must T answer that air' question ? 

Judge — Answer the question, ]\Ir. Swamp. 

Si—Yes. 

Snibs — When? 

Si — On the 19th of October, about 10 o'clock, as well as 
I can recommember. 

Snibs — Didn't you tell the Court a few minutes ago that 
Mr. Ryebold, my client, was over at ]\Ir. Rumbold's on the 
18th of October? 

Si — Maybe I did, but seems like it was 'tother night some- 
time. 

13 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Snibs — That will do. For the defense I call Hi Corn- 
stubbles ! (Hi fakes stand,) 

Snibs — Mr. Corn stubbles, what is your business? 

Hi — Storekeeper, down at Rye Corner. 

Snibs — ^Who all was at your store on the night of Octo- 
ber 18th, about 8 o'clock? 

Hi — Well, let me see, as well as I kin remember, Dan 
Sniffles, Eli Ryebold and myself. 

Snibs — In what condition was Mr. Sniffles? 

Beatum — I object! I object! 

Judge — State your objections. 

Beatum — The witness is not on trial, and should not be 
questioned as to his character and conditions on said night. 

Snibs — ^Your Honor, I am about to prove something im- 
portant regarding the validity and soundness of Mr. Sniffles' 
testimony. 

Judge — The question is allowed. 

Snibs — Answer me, Mr. Cornstubbles. 

Hi — If I must tell the court, Mr. Sniffles was having a 
hard time keeping his equilibrium. 

Snibs — You mean he was drunk? 

Hi — Certainly. So was your client. 

Snibs — I did not ask concerning my client, only answer 

what I ask you. 

14 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Hi— All right, Mr. Snibs. 

Snibs — That will do, Mr. Cornstubble. 

Beatum (fakes witness) — ^What's your name? 

Hi — Hi Cornstubbles of Rye Corner. 

Beatum — Your name and appearance remind me of a 
true son of agriculture. 

Snibs — Your Honor, he's trying to make our witness 
appear countrified. 

Judge — Cut out the comedy, Beatum. 

Beatum — You remarked about Mr. Ryebold being drunk 
while at your store. State to the jury how drunk he was. 

Hi — I told I'lr. Sniffles he'd better drill out fer home, 
seein' how he be, but when I told Mr. Ryebold to go, he just 
couldn't make it. I guess from the way he spilled off at the 
mouth, he war powerful sick. 

Beatum — What did you do when you saw that Mr. Rye- 
bold was sick? 

Hi — I called in Dr. Killum. 

Beatum — What did the Doctor do? 

Hi — He examined Mr. Ryebold. 

Beatum — Go on, what else? 

Hi — He also examined the bottle of whiskey. 

Beatum — W^hat kind? 

15 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Hi — Glass. 

Beatum (in disgust) — That will do. 

Snibs — I call Dr. Quick Killum (Dr. takes stand) for my 

other witness for the defense. 

» 

Snibs — Doctor, where were you called to, on the night of 
October 18, about 11 o'clock? 

Dr. — I was called to Hi Cornstubbles' store to give medi- 
cal attention to Mr. Ryebold, who was lying upon the floor 
in agony. 

Snibs — Who else did you see upon entering the said 
store? 

Dr. — I saw Mr. Cornstubbles. 

Snibs — What was Mr. Cornstubbles doing when you 
entered ? 

Dr. — He was drinking something from a bottle, which he 
seemed to relish. 

Snibs — Where did he get this bottle of "something," as 
you style it? 

Dr. — He said Si Swamp gave it to him, and he gave it to 
Eli Ryebold, your honorable client. 

Ryebold (jumps up) — Cornstubbles is a dern liar, 'cause 
he stole it from me 'atter I swiped it from old man Rum- 
bold. 

Snibs (aside to Ryebold) — Sit down! You sponge head, 
you'll spoil our evidence. 

16 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Beatum — Your Honor, and gentlemen of the jury, that 
statement alone proves Ryebold's guilt, but we'll proceed 
with the case. 

Judge — Sure, go on with the case. 

Beatum (fakes zvitncss) — What's your name? 

Dr. — Doctor Quick Killum. 

Beatum — Probably that's right. 

Judge — Confme yourself to the case, please. 

Beatum — AMiat was the nature of Mr. Ryebold's illness? 

Dr. — Stomach trouble. 

Beatum — \Miat cure did you administer? 

Snibs — Your Honor, I "object to that question on the 
ground that it is irrevelant. 

Beatum — Your Honor, I am about to prove a very im- 
portant phase in this case, namely, that the stomach of this 
man, aforementioned as Mr. Ryebold, contained genuine 
distilled corn-meshed whiskey. 

Judge — Question allowed. 

Beatum — Answer, Doctor. 

Dr. — I used the stomach pump, and drew about a quart of 
genuine corn-meshed brew from the patient. 

Beatum — In your opinion, Doctor, where did this said 

whiskey come from before the said patient took it into his 

feed mow? 

« 

17 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Snibs — Your Honor, he's insulting my client's internal 
organs. 

Judge — Say stomach, Beatum, when you mean stomach. 

Beatum — Stomach, then. Answer me. Doctor. 

Dr. — Judging from the composition of it, it came from 
Sam Sniffles' where I get mine for medical purposes. 

Beatum — Do you recall the size of the bottle Mr. Corn- 
stubbles was emptying, as you entered the said store? 

Dr. — A quart, I judge. 

Beatum — That will be all, Doctor. Your Honor, this 
completes my- evidence and examination. 

Judge — How about you, Mr. Snibs? 

Snibs — Your Honor, I am ready for the case to be argued. 

Judge — The attorney for the plaintiff will give his argu- 
ment. 

Atty. for p. — Your Honor, gentlemen of the jury, our 
case is as clear as the babbling stream of Jordan. It is not 
necessary for me to indulge in a lengthy and eloquent 
appeal for my client, the plaintiff in the case. A clean, clear- 
cut statement of the facts, plainly proved, will be sufficient. 
These facts are so clear, they might be looked upon as ob- 
vious. In the first place, we clearly proved by two honor- 
able, trustworthy, upright and responsible citizens that all 
the purposes and determinations of the defendant, Ryebold, 
were bent upon abstracting, withdrawing, secreting, em- 

18 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

bezzling and stealing the noble quart of genuine, mountain- 
made, corn-meshed brew, otherwise known as whiskey. In 
the second place we have proved beyond a shadow of doubt, 
that said Ryebold did maliciously, feloniously and with mal- 
ice intent and aforethought withdraw, abstract, secrete, steal 
and embezzle said quart of genuine, mountain-made, corn- 
meshed brew, better known as whiskey, from the premises 
of my honorable client, Mr. Samuel Rumbold, on the night 
aforementioned. Thirdly, we have proved according to the 
testimony of the learned and honored Dr. Quick Killum that 
said defendant's stomach contained a part of said quart of 
brew as aforementioned. Mind you, gentlemen of the jury, 
this learned and respected Doctor was summoned as witness 
for the defendant. Fourthly and lastly, we drew a confes- 
sion from the defendant in his fit of anger, stating in unmis- 
takable language his guilt. Gentlemen of the jury, there can 
be but one verdict in the face of this wonderful evidence. 
I am prophetic enough to see in your intelligent decision 
vindication of the majesty of the law; justice triumphant; 
the offensive evil-doer punished ; the lowly lifted on high 
and the righteousness of our land exalted. Gentlemen of 
the jury, we ask no mercy in this case, but justice prompted 
by the intelligence I see in every feature of the honest 
countenances before me (eloquently). Now, gentlemen of 
the jury, I wish to say in conclusion that we trust in your 
love of justice; your regard for the upHft of humanity; and 
above all, your desire to cleanse our beloved land of such 
vile misdemeanors as the one committed by the defendant, 

19 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Ryebold. In all these I implore your love of justice, I thank 
you. {Takes scat.) 

Atty. for D. — Your Honor, gentlemen of the jury, it is 
not my intention of taking advantage of you gentlemen who 
are without gas masks. You have withstood the onrush of 
gas from my pettyfogging opponent with much courage 
and fortitude. 

Beatum {hurls hook at Snihs' head) — Your Honor, I will 
not be insulted by such a law worm. 

Snibs {hurls hook at Beatum) — Mind your own business, 
you brow-beater. 

Judge — Order in the Court ! Any more such disturb- 
ances, gentlemen, and I'll have to commit you both to jail. 
Mr. Hitum, see that the gentlemen respect the Court. 

HiTUM {steps up and stands near the lazvyers) — All right, 
yer Honor. 

Judge — Proceed with the argument, Snibs. 

Snibs — My client here is as pure and innocent as any 
Easter lily. No high-flown oratory, as was used by my hot- 
headed opponent, can pluck the purity and innocence from 
such a man. My opponent has failed to prove that my client 
ever stole the said quart of whiskey. No one saw him steal 
it. My client, himself, denies this infamous crime. The 
fact that so many were drunk on the night of October the 
18th, lifts the responsibility of the crime from the brow of 
my honorable client. Mr. Si Swamp, witness for the plain- 

20 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

tiff, stated that he saw Mr. Ryebold, my cHent, at Mr. Rum- 
bold's farm, on the night of October the 18th, but upon 
cross-examination he states he did not go to work for the 
said Rumbold until October 19th. Mark me, gentlemen of 
the jury, can you accept such conflicting testimonies? I 
say no ! Emphatically no, and abide by the law ! Sam 
Sniffles, the other witness for the plaintiff, knew Mr. Rum- 
bold, the plaintiff, for forty-eight years, but li^on cross- 
examination he, Mr. Sniffles, was only found to be about 
thirty-five years old. Could this be possible? Furthermore, 
gentlemen of the jury, this same witness has been guilty of 
breathing forth testimony that he collected on the night of 
October 18th, on which night, according to the testimony of 
the Honorable Hi Cornstubbles, he was wholly incapable of 
perceiving any correct perception of tlie simplest occurrence, 
because of his drunken condition. Hi avers that Sam Sniffles 
claimed all the street and went home. 

Beatum (jumping up and grabbing Snibs) — Your Honor, 
I won't have this brow-beating of our witness. (They 
clinch.) 

Judge (jumps up) — Order! Hitum, separate them. 
(Hihim pulls the struggling attorneys apart. Beatum pulls 
the front off of Snibs' vest and Snibs gets Beatum's tie.) 

Beatum — You humbug! 

Snibs — You bully coward ! 

Judge (seats himself) — Gentlemen, any more such clashes, 
and I'll commit you both to jail. Close your argument, Snibs. 

21 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Snibs — Gentlemen of the Jury, the very indignation and 
fury of my opponent and his cHent proves that this prosecu- 
tion is a conspiracy to drag the character of my cHent in the 
dust. Does any one suppose for one minute that my honor- 
able client, a man of unquestionable character and dignity, 
would willingly secrete, withdraw, or embezzle the property 
of another? Why, gentlemen of the jury, the black cat of 
conscience would hasten him to a premature grave. Every 
time he repaired to his downy couch, conscience would 
whisper in his ear, "You haven't returned Ryebold's quart 
yet." Gentlemen of the jury, does my client look like a con- 
science-stricken man ? No ! Not a bit of it ! He has no 
conscience. In conclusion, gentlemen of the jury, let us 
pass to the testimony of the illustrious witness for the de- 
fense, Dr. Quick Killum, who, with a pump, drew from the 
stomach of my client, whiskey which he says is identical to 
that which he himself buys at Sam SnifHes for medical pur- 
poses. Therefore, gentlemen, why isn't it just as reasonable 
to suppose that Sam Sniffles gave the whiskey to my client, 
which caused unusual stomach disorder? This, gentlemen, 
is my argument. May the intelligent beam in your eyes 
cause your mouth to speak forth the verdict of eternal jus- 
tice for my client. I thank you. 

Beatum — I object! I object! 

Judge State your objections, sir. 

Beatum — He's working the jury with flattery bent upon 
securing a partial verdict. 

22 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Snibs— The honorable jury can not be turned by flattery. 

Judge— Objection overruled. Order ! My instructions to 
you, gentlemen of the jury, are to stick close to the law in 
the case of Rumbold vs. Ryebold. Weigh carefully the evi- 
dence as presented by the intelligent attorneys ( lazvyers look 
important), and render your verdict in the light of your 
sole convictions. The jury will now retire and bring in the 
verdict. 

Foreman of Jury — Your Honor, may I ask a question 
before retiring? 

Judge— Certainly, sir. What is it? 

Foreman of Jury— May the jury have the bottled evi- 
dence in this case? 

Judge — ^Hitum, produce the evidence. 

HiTUM (produces large quart)— Yts, your Honor, may T 
accompany the jury? (Jury retires with bottled evidence.) 

Judge— No! You're fined five dollars for tempting the 
Court. Sit down. {Hitum sits dozun.) 

{Enter Jury, taking seats.) 
Foreman of Jury (rising)— Y&r Honor and feller citi- 
zens: We unanimously render the follern' verdic' : Rye- 
bold didn't take thet air' 'licker." Rumbold must stand the 
cost of the persecution. Sniffles and Cornstubbles orter pay 
fer the "licker" thet Rumbold lost. We figgered thet the 
cost ud be lighter if it be sorter devided up a leetle. 

23 



THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE. 

Atty. for D. — Your Honor, I object to that verdict. It's 
unlawful. 

CoRNSTUBBLES — I secouds thet air' injection, Jedge. I 
can't see as how I must be fined fer somethin' I never done. 

Sniffles — I also dejects. Judge. 

Judge — The verdict is justifiable. It shall stand. The 
jury has used wonderful judgment in this case. The Court 
is now adjourned. 

CURTAIN 



24 



PLAYS, MONOLOGS, Etc 

AS OUR WASHWOMAN SEES IT. (Edna I. MacKenzio.) Time. JO 
minutes. Nora is seen at the washboard at the home of Mrs. McNeal, 
where, amidst her work, she engages in a line of gossip concerning 
her patrons, that will malce a hit with any audience. 25 cents. 

ASK OUIJA. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 8 minutes. A preser^t- 
day girl illustrates to her friends the wonders of the Ouija board. Her 
comments on the mysteries of this present-day fad as she consults 
Ouija will delight any audience. 25 cents. 

COONTOWN TROUBLES. (Bugbee-Berg.) A lively black-face 
song given by Josephus Johnsing, Uncle Rastus and other Coon- 
town folits. 35 cents. 

THE GREAT CHICKEN STEAI.ING CASE OP EBENEZER 
COUNTY. (Walter Richardson.) A negro mock trial for 9 males, 2 
females and jurors. Time, 35 minutes. Any ordinary room easily ar- 
ranged. From start to finish this trial is ludicrous to the extreme 
and will bring roars of laughter from the audience. 25 cents. 

THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE OF RUMBOLD VS. 
RYEBOLD. (Walter Richardson.) A mock trial for 11 males and 
jury. The fun increases as the trial proceeds, and reaches a climax 
when the jury decides who stole the whiskey. 25 cents. 

HERE'S TO THE LAND OF THE STARS AND THE STRIPES. 
(Bugbee-Worrell. ) Open your minstrel with this rousing patriotic 
song. Sheet music. 35 cents. 

THE KINK IN KIZZIE'S WEDDING. (Mary Bonham.) Time. 20 
minutes. For 7 males and 5 females. A colored wedding that will 
convulse any audience with laughter. Said to be the funniest mock 
wedding ever produced. 25 cents. 

SHE SAYS SHE STUDIES. A monoloene. (Edna L MacKenzie.) 
A sentimental high-school girl seated with her books preparing the 
next day's lessons, in a highly original and entertaining manner, ex- 
presses her views on the merits of her various studies and her un- 
biased opinion of her teachers, as she proceeds from book to book in 
the order of her recitation; but when she has finished, you will agree 
that she is very much more of an entertainer than a student. 
25 cents. 

SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) 
Time, 10 minutes. It is time for church and Susan, at her toilet, is 
excitedly calling for missing articles and her rapid line of gossip about 
her friends and of certain church activities will bring many a laugh. 
25 cents. 

THAT AWFUL LETTER. A comedy of unusual merit, in one act. 
(Edna I.' MacKenzie.) For five girls. Time, 30 minutes. Recom- 
mended for high schools, societies and churches. Elizabeth Norton, an 
accomplished college girl from the country, has been reluctantly and 
rudely invited to visit a city cousin, Margaret Neilson, whom she has 
never seen. Finding she is expected to be gawky and uneducated, 
Elizabeth acts the part perfectly. Developments follow thick and 
fast amid flashes of wit, humor and satire from Elizabeth,, who at 
last reveals her real self. Margaret's humiliation is complete and 
there is a hapjsy ending. All the characters are good. The country 
cousin is a star. 25 cents. 

THE UNEXPECTED GUEST. A one-act comedy. (Edna T. Mac- 
Kenzie.) Six females. Time, 45 minutes. The unexpected arrival of 
an eccentric aunt throws, a family into a state of excitement and 
dismay, but before the play is over the unwelcome aunt has en- 
deared herself to her rlatives in quite an unexpected manner. Funny 
situations throughout. 25 cents. 

Paine Publishing Company Dayton, Ohio 



LIBRRKY OP UUNUKtbi 



CHRISTMAS ENTERTAIN! 01J '*<^ 1^2 9 

CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. (Elizabeth F. Guptill.) 
One of the most popular Christmas plays published, that abounds in 
clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. It depicts the trials 
of the teacher of an old-fashioned "deestric school" in conducting the 
last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment. Children and grown- 
ups will be delighted with CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. 25c. 

CHRISTMAS AT MCCARTHY'S. (Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A Christ- 
mas play for young folks and children that Is brimful of fun from 
start to close and is interspersed with the gentlest pathos. All the 
characters are good. Easy to produce. No special scenery or cos- 
tumes. No Santa Claus. Can be played in any schoolroom. 25c. 

CHRISTMAS SPEAKIN' AT SRAGGS'S SKULE. (Marie Irish.) 
Just published. Humorous entertainment for six boys and eight girls, 
including Ole, the Swede; Rastus, the negro; bashful Bill; Jeremiah 
Judkins, the skule clerk; Mis' Skaggs and Mis' Hill, the mothers who 
"help out;" fat little Bister; Matildy and Florildy, the twins; Sam 
who st-t-tut-ters; Tiny, and Miss Emmeline Elkins, the teacher. The 
speech by the skule clerk and the fake Santy Claus are features. 25c. 

CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES. (Cecil J. Richmond.) Every dialogue 
In this book is decidedly to the point and easy to prepare. They will 
delight both young and old. The book contains the following: Is 
There a Santa Clause? (2 small children, Santa Claus and chorus); 
Herbert's Discovery (2 boys); The Christmas Dinner (2 little girls, 
1 larger girl, and 2 boys); Playing Santa Claus (1 small and 2 larger 
boys); A Double Christmas Gift (2 small girls, 2 larger girls, and 3 
boys). Many customers have told us that the last named dialogue is 
worth the price of the book. 25 cents, 

EVERGREEN AND HOLLY— SONG AND DRILL. (Elizabeth F. 
Guptill. A drill for any even number of boys and girls, or all girls. The 
girls carry garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the 
Fame. After a spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beau- 
tiful Christmas song, which accompanies the drill. Easy to produce and 
decidedly novel. 25 cents. 

GOOD-BYE, CHRISTaiAS GROUCHES. (Irlsh-Lyman.) A jolly 
Christmas song for any number of boys and girls. It abounds with 
Christmas cheer and many pleasant surprises. Full of action. Sheet 
music. This popular song will put "pep" In your Christmas enter- 
tainment and will furnish your audience a rare treat. 35 cents. 

POINSETTIA DRILL. (Marie Irish.) A drill for 12 or more 
girls carrying poinsettias. Given to the music of a lively march. 
Interspersed with verses to the tune of the song. "Comin' Through 
the Rye." Several diagrams make clear the following of the direc- 
tions. One of the most beautiful Christmas drills published. 25 cents. 

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING. (Irish-Garster.) Song for little 
folks. Easy words and simple action. A pleasing little song that the- 
children will enjoy giving and others will enjoy hearing, because of 
its merry humor. Sheet music. 35 cents. 

STARS OF BETHLEHEM. (Irish-Leyman.) A beautiful song of 
the Christ Child for either solo or chorus. The music is sweet and 
perfectly suited to the beautiful words. A delightful number for 
children or adults. Sheet music, 35 cents. 

SNOWBOUND FOR CHRISTMAS. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) For 4 
boys and 4 girls. Time, 25 minutes. The roads being blocked by a recent 
snowstorm, the Simpson family has not been able to get to town to 
do their Christmas shopping. After considerable lamenting by the 
children over their disappointment. Ma Simpson, Pa Simpson, and 
the older children determine upon home-made presents, which results 
In a most pleasant surprise. 25 cents. 

TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS, A. (Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A de- 
cidedly humorous Christmas play for any number of children from six 
to twelve years old. The children are tired of "minding" and of 
everything being "just so," so they start to find a place where things 
win be different. There is a pleasing surprise for the audience at every 
turn of the play, 25 cents. 



Paine Publishing Company 



Dayton, Ohio 



